When Common Sayings Miss the Mark: A Reflection on Assumptions and Empathy

By: stephanie lama

July 2, 2025

We’ve all heard them—those well-meaning phrases we turn to when someone’s going through a tough time:

“Everything happens for a reason.”“It’s OK to not be OK.”“Time heals all wounds.”

They’re familiar, often repeated, and intended to soothe. But recently, I found myself wondering: how comforting are they really?

What the Polls Revealed

I recently created an Instagram/Facebook poll, with the aim of finding out how people actually felt about these familiar expressions. The poll offered a series of these statements, and participants could respond with “yes,” “no,” or “maybe.” These were the results:

As you can see, the wide range of responses speaks volumes about how differently people experience these statements. This variation in answers sends a clear and compelling message: what resonates with one person may not resonate with another.

When someone we care about is going through a difficult time, it can be uncomfortable to know how to respond. We want to help, but finding the right words, or figuring out how to “show up” in a meaningful way, can feel overwhelming. Sometimes, that discomfort creates anxiety, and our well-meaning efforts may come across as awkward, unhelpful, or even hurtful.

Many of us fall back on commonly accepted statements, assuming that because they’re frequently used, they must offer comfort. But what I’ve learned through years of therapeutic work is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to emotional support.

A key question to ask ourselves is: How well do I know this person? Do I truly understand their experience enough to know what might help, or hurt? Our beliefs are shaped by our lived experiences, which are often influenced by culture, society, and personal history.

Take, for example, the assumption that “you should never ask someone if they have kids.” While this may be seen as an insensitive or even intrusive question in some (perhaps most) settings, in other cultures it’s a common and benign conversation starter.

Other examples of comments that may be perceived differently across cultures, or even come off as unhelpful to certain individuals, include: “cut off toxic family members”, “speak your truth”, “put yourself first”, “just leave if you’re unhappy”, “time heals all wounds.” Can you think of any more?

Context matters. Culture matters. Connection matters. When we generalize what's “always right” or “always wrong,” we risk missing the very human nuances that shape individual experience.

We live in a time when disagreement often leads to quick judgment. We’re fast to label and slow to listen. But behind every opinion is a reason. Behind every answer is a story.

If we truly want a kinder, more empathetic world, it starts not with changing others, but with examining our own assumptions. Can we hold space for views we don’t share? Can we stay curious, instead of reactive?

Take the popular saying: “It’s OK to not be OK.” Many therapists believe in the power of this statement. It normalizes human struggle and encourages people to sit with difficult emotions rather than suppress them.

And yet, the poll results told a different story. While a majority answered “yes,” about 20% said “maybe,” and interestingly, 13% responded “no.” One person even messaged privately to say, “It’s OK to be OK!”

So, what do we do with that? Do we dismiss the “no” answers as wrong, and challenge them? Or do we seek to understand the reason behind them, openly and without judgment?

You may disagree with parts of what I’ve shared here, and that’s exactly the point. Disagreement isn’t the problem. In fact, it can be a beautiful and powerful opportunity for growth- if we approach it with openness, a genuine desire to understand, and a willingness to embrace our differences, perspectives, and the intricacies that make us human.

When we lean into our differences instead of using them as weapons, we build something deeper: empathy, connection, and collective wisdom. But if we continue to shame, silence, or chastise those who hold different beliefs, we move further away from the kind of world most of us say we want: one built on compassion, understanding, and respect.

Let’s not just repeat what’s common. Let’s reflect on what’s meaningful and lead with curiosity, so that we can learn how to truly show up for one another.